A Non-Traditional Life

Once upon a time, I had the pleasure of driving a kind women to a court trial.  She was in her late 70's and did not feel comfortable driving from Palm Desert to San Diego in California. 

Our family friend was the attorney, he asked if it was possible for me to make the trip. I said yes, and have often thought of that two day journey with Luella with much fondness.

Luella had married a NFL football player.  She related the story of meeting him with a girlfriend, and was introduced with the lead in. . . Tom plays for the Rams. . .

She did not know what that was, and he chuckled and the rest is history. Her life was what I believe was the norm for women of her generation.  She married, had six children, and was a devoted wife and mother.  She was a kind and thoughtful woman and I am so glad to have had the chance to spend two days with her.

While we were driving the two and half hours to San Diego, we talked about our lives.  She intently
listened to my life story.  I was 40ish at the time, had never been married and did not have children.  I had just bought my first house and was struggling as a waitress, but I felt like I was doing well on my life path.

Her comment was, "Oh my dear, you have lived a rather non-traditional life."  It was not in a judgemental way, but just a quiet statement regarding my life.

I thought about that comment all evening.  I could not sleep thinking about it.  I have thought about that comment for the last fourteen years.

 

Our paths, our lives, they are our own making, but without a doubt we're influenced by our families, our childhood, our teen years, our teachers, the current political ideology at the time, the music of our youth and early adulthood, our friends and ultimately our decisions.

Can we pinpoint the events that have led us to our current lifestyle?  Is it even fair to try to place that kind of responsibility on an event, a thing or a person?

I think that our locale and our state of mind are what ultimately influence us at these times of growth.  We are surrounded by different sets of influences and depending on what we have retained or thrown away from our family beliefs , we emerge who we are.

There are many times we stop and reevaluate who we are, what we are doing, and where we are going.  Some of those times we are clear on each and every answer, and other times the fog is so thick we can barely make it out of bed.

It is the journey of our lives.  It is complicated at times, simplicity leading at other times, but every step, every choice we make is ours.  It just seems sometimes we are more conscious than other times.

Does it not blow your mind when you meet someone and early in their lives they truly grasped that actions create consequences!  Wow, that is gnarly.  We all know that whatever we do has an outcome, but sometimes we can go through life not wanting to think through the impact of a decision.

We want to dance the night away!  Who cares abut tomorrow morning responsibilities!

We want to go out with that person who intrigues us, even if we know they will break our hearts!  Just savoring the moment and not caring about the future pain.

I have often wondered what if I had lived a more Traditional Life, would I have made so many mistakes?

Probably, because mistakes mean we're growing.  We live, we learn, we repeat the process, good and bad, easy and hard, fun and miserable.

Do people who have a Traditional Life have less pain?  more joy?  a better retirement?  Do they laugh more and cry less?

I doubt it.  I think our laughter and our pain are ours to create, to feel, to hang on to and to endure.

Whatever our life circumstances, we still need to go through life's lessons.  Whether we are living in a McMansion, a log cabin or a yurt really has no bearing on the deep true lessons of life.  Only on our decorating decisions. . . we adorn wherever we are, we embrace each locale , we either keep it or we discard it , all dependent on outside influences, traditional or non-traditional.

                                               

Some of my favorite women artist were all non-traditional.  I love reading about Georgia O'Keefe, Beatrice Woods, and Frieda Kahlo.  Wow, what incredible souls!  What incredible lives!  What incredible art!

There are times when I want or need to think, "Oh life could have been easier had I married early in life, had 2.5 children, a starter home, a college education with a dedicated career, and  a go at the carpool."

When I think that those things would have been a better choice, I need to remember we each walk a different path.  Each one unique to whom we are, not one is better than the other.  Each comes with happiness and sorrow.  Life's lessons don't care about your material circumstances, they care about your inner journey with whatever it is that defines God for you.

Sometimes I just wonder what it would have been like in a Ferrari, but it wouldn't surprise me if I get one on my 70th Birthday, because I do live a Non-Traditional life and on the wheel of gifts appropriate for a non-traditional woman of this age, Ferrari is on the top!  Whoooo-Rah!

 

 

Quote for the day:

"My life is full of mistakes.  They're like pebbles that make a good road."

 

Beatrice Wood